I am writing this story for a good friend of mine, who we will call Johnny. He explained to me the gut wrenching choices that face a single father during Covid-19. I thought it was important to share since I am an advocate for single fathers.
The choices of a single father during Covid-19
It is beyond difficult to be a single father during Covid-19. Imagine these circumstances. Johnny’s son’s mother chose to take a plane trip to Minneapolis, MN to attend a funeral 2 weeks ago. That was during the height of the George Floyd protests. She tried to take their son with her, but Johnny’s custody allowed him to stop it. His mom regularly takes their son on play dates and her own personal visits, and only sometimes wears a mask. She conducts “business” in person, and she is basically living her life as if the pandemic doesn’t exist.
She lives with her adoptive mother in Huntington Beach. Johnny once had to involve the “Child Protective Services”, when his son informed him that his maternal, adoptive grandmother would play a game with his son where they touched tongues. She is in her eighties, so not only is that completely inappropriate, it is disgusting to even think about. They denied everything to the investigators, and since his son was only 3, they ruled it “inconclusive”. Johnny’s son will attest to this day that the practice went on regularly. When confronted with the practice, his son’s mother said “It’s not like they’re French kissing”, and slammed the door in Johnny’s face.
The dilemma
Unfortunately, the people that Johnny lives with have preexisting conditions and are vulnerable. He had a freak lung infection a few years back that had him in the hospital for weeks. He was very near death, and a major surgery was required to save him. It also led to the onset of other conditions, which leave him compromised in many ways. So what can he do? he can’t control her. His son understands that she has poor judgment and has developed his own protections. His son once called Johnny his “dad and therapist”. Recently, he said, “mommy loves me a little too much”. He gets it, and is trying to protect Johnny, but there is only so much he can do.
The red flags of an unhealthy relationship began as soon as they were apart. It started with the breast feeding far past when he was 2. He was so grateful for her commitment to breast feed, and all of the benefits it would give their son. It was just a huge departure from our original timetable, for developmental reasons. She had him sleeping in her bed until he was 8. It wasn’t until he told her himself that he wanted to sleep in his own bed, that it actually happened. When Johnny potty trained him (late 2, on his weekend), she put a diaper back on their son when he returned. She would also put a pacifier in his mouth as soon as he got home from school until he was 6. Like the sleeping arrangements, the end of this practice came at his son’s insistence, upon his encouragement.
He had to get a court order to get their son vaccinated. Otherwise, he would not have been able to attend public school. Basically, he has been living a nightmare in a prison cell for 8 years now. He has made sacrifices that may never be understood or appreciated. In his efforts to protect his son, he has prevailed in every single matter before the court, and there have been many. On one occasion, she produced an attorney who Johnny set a bear trap for and humiliated. After the hearing, Johnny had a heart to heart conversation with the attorney. He withdrew as her counsel.
Some people say, “there are two sides to every story”. Well, sure. But that doesn’t mean teach side has equal merit. The truth proves out over time, and that is what Johnny has been counting on, because he started at such a disadvantage legally.
Now he is in a position that he feels he has no control over. He is living, very much against his wishes, in a hot spot for the virus. His son was conceived on the mountain, in Ashland, OR, and that is where he wanted to raise him. The magnitude of the choices he is continuously forced to make during this pandemic are gut wrenching. Imagine the genuine gravity of choosing to see your own son. Considering the misguided choices of people like his mother, which have now resulted in the pandemic getting out of control, keeping his custody schedule is now literally playing Russian Roulette with his life, and the lives of the people around him. He can only wonder how many millions of single parents in America can completely relate to this story. They understand how unfair it is, and how destructive it is to their children.
– Rondym Kiefe